


Talk to Me

by indevan



Series: Rock Band AU [24]
Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Gen, Interviews
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-12-31 10:27:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12130470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indevan/pseuds/indevan
Summary: King Kai really needs to hire a press agent





	Talk to Me

The sea crashes against the rocks outside the diner and the sky is silver with the promise of rain.  Inside the diner, the air feels similarly charged.  It’s a strange place for an interview but with the hectic nature of Apetail’s tour, it’s the only available venue and time slot.  Things have been accelerating for these self-described “five punk fuck-ups.”  The release of their Top 20 album earlier this year and subsequent tour has made this quite the productive and busy year for them.  All of this coming off of the highly publicized ensemble tour assembled by their label, North Galaxy, the year before.  There’s no question that these boys put that label on the radar by major music publications.  Their onstage antics and engaging personas have boosted them to fame (or infamy depending on who you talk to) and everyone wants a piece of them.

In this diner, a ubiquitous, syrup-soaked fixture in this part of the country, Vegeta Prince sits across from me.  He’s fiddling with a pack of cigarettes and the woman at the hostess stand keeps emphatically pointing at the “No Smoking” sign to make a point.  He seems as wound up as the sea outside, all posturing and scowls.

**N:** So, first things first--

**V:** My hair just does this.

**N:** Not...what I was going to ask but that’s good to know.  Um, how did you guys get together?

**V:** Not sure at this point.  I think it was one of those things where none of us had anything better to do so we formed a band.

**N:** How long have you been playing guitar?

**V:** I got my first guitar when I was five but I didn’t start seriously playing until I was probably eleven?

**N:** What made you pick it up?

He doesn’t actually answer this question--merely makes a sort of annoyed face and looks away.  He does this a lot throughout the interview, when he finds a question not to his liking--which is a lot.  There’s a reason he’s quickly gained a reputation as the moodiest boy in the alt scene.  He shakes off questions about his infamous “guitar punch” and other antics the band has become known for.

**N:** They’re calling you and Kakarrot a punk version of the Glimmer Twins.

**V, snorting derisively:** Who is?

**N:** Critics, mostly.  You have to agree that there are similarities.

**V:** I don’t have to agree to anything.

That much is clear.

\--

The moment the interview comes out, Turles is almost pissing himself with laughter.

“I am plastering my fucking walls with this!”

Vegeta growls and rips the magazine out of his hands.  It’s print, anyway, who the fuck is going to read it?

“Shut up.”

“Ooooooh, someone’s being  _ mooooooody.” _

He lunges at him and Raditz catches him around the middle.  King Kai sighs.

“You boys need a press agent who needs to be with you at  _ all times.” _

Kakarrot scans the interview in the copy he’d been handed and shrugs.

“It’s not that bad.  He’s just being himself.”

King Kai shakes his head. “That’s the problem.”

Vegeta scowls.

“I’m not going to water myself down to make the press feel better.”

“I’m not asking you to,” he says, “Just maybe be a  _ little less _ caustic?  Maybe talk about Bulma and Trunks.  That almost gets you to smile.”

To that, he curls his lip.

“Weird indie blogs already take fucking creepshots of us when we’re out at lunch.  I’m not adding fuel to that fire.”

“Well, do something.” King Kai sits down and sighs. “It isn’t  _ bad _ press, but we don’t need every music magazine talking about you throwing tantrums.”

To that, his only response is to give him the finger.

\--

It’s hard to get him to stand still, but we’ve managed to get Kakarrot, guitarist and co-frontman of Apetail to sit down with us for an interview about music and life on the road.

**B:** Thanks for joining us

**K:** Well, you said you were gonna buy me lunch.  You are, right?

**B:** Uh, yeah.

**K:** So what’s the “us” you mentioned?  ‘Cause you’re the only one here.

**B:** I meant...the magazine.  All of us.  Right, so let’s get to it--your new album is different from your EP.

**K:** Oh, that’s ‘cause Vegeta’s not all pissy anymore.  Well,  _ as pissy. _  I mean, I wrote a few, too, and mine are more positive, too, I guess.  Sorry, I’m not really good at interviews.  No one ever wants to talk to me and I should probably end all of my stories one sentence earlier.

**B:** Oh, it’s fine.  You’re very personable.  You’d say the album is more upbeat?

**K:** I wouldn’t say that.  The lyrics are a bit happier on a few tracks but a lot of it is like.  Dealing with shit?  Or, for me, it’s kinda about just being positive until your eventual death!  I dunno.  It’s hard to explain it to someone, I guess?  We just do it.

**B:** You and Vegeta do it?

**K:** What?  Oh my god, no, we don’t.  I mean, there was one time we don’t talk about but--wait, no.  No, we’ve never  _ done it. _

**B:** One time?

**K:** Is that what this article is gonna be about ‘cause my oldest kid can read and he’s gonna be reading this and I’d really not want him to hear about me supposedly fucking my best friend.

\--

He’s fairly certain that at King Kai’s funeral, someone is going to make a eulogy about how the five of them were all responsible for his death.

“Kakarrot, do you ever think before you speak?” he demands.

He has his tablet with the blog post out in front of them on the table in the meeting room, Kakarrot’s disastrous interview displayed for them all to see.

“I believe it’s pretty obvious that I don’t.”

He wipes his hands wearily over his face and presses a button on the landline in the middle of the table.

“Jaco, please call an ambulance.”

The reply he receives is, “No?”

King Kai slumps back in his chair and Kakarrot figures that he’s probably wondering that if he kills them all, if he could still profit off of them posthumously.

“We’re getting you all a press agent,” King Kai says resolutely. “I honestly don’t know how much more of this my heart can take.”

Turles slides in and throws an arm jovially across his shoulders.

“Don’t sell yourself short!  You’re doing so well so far!”

\--

If the human body is driven by the heartbeat then the heart and soul of a rock band is driven by the rhythm section.  Raditz Son, 25, and Turles...actually, the record company won’t reveal if Turles is his first or last name, 26, have been friends their whole lives and that friendship is what provides the backbone and pulse for Apetail’s sound.

**T:** Dang, this place is swanky as shit.

The place he’s referring to is the hotel lounge where we’re conducting this interview.  It’s empty at this time of day and offers a unique juxtaposition to the two rockstars seated across from me.

**W:** You two have known each other long?

**R:** Yeah, probably going on twenty years now.

**W:** How would you describe your relationship?

**T:** …Uh, Radi?

**R:** She asked you, dude.

**T:** No, pretty sure she asked you.

**W:** Is that a difficult question?

**T:** It’s loaded as shit.  We’re fine now, though, so jot that down.

**W:** How is it “loaded”?

**T:** Don’t worry about it.

The interview seems to go on like this with the two of them riffing off one another and giving me arch little answers that seem to sound like something but in the end tell me nothing.  Well, almost nothing.

**W:** So are you dating anyone right now?  I know you, Raditz, have quite the following on social media.

**R:** I do?

**W:** You mean a lot to a lot of gay kids out there.

**R:** I do?  Wow, holy shit.  I had no idea--that.  That means so much to me.  To answer your question, yeah I’m seeing someone.

**W:** I’m glad you said something because there have been blog posts with--

**R:** Creepshots.  Yeah, of me and my boyfriend.  Not like I don’t post on the band’s Insta page with sappy shit about him all the time.  It’s not secret so I’m not even sure why you asked the question.

**W:** R-right.  So, Turles, what about you?

**T:** ...No comment.

\--

King Kai was marginally pleased by their interview.  He still called them too caustic but that vein in his forehead wasn’t throbbing, so Raditz considers it a win.

“What’s that ‘no comment’ anyway?” he asks. “Who are you seeing?”

“No one,” Turles answers too quickly. “Nothing’s gonna happen anyway so don’t worry about it.”

That doesn’t sound like his self-assured best friend but Raditz also knows not to push him to say anything.  Instead, he turns his attention back to the magazine article the others are poring over.

“So you looking at our amazing interview?” Turles asks.

He grins cheekily and slides down in the seat next to Vegeta.

“I’m just impressed that you managed to do the entire thing without mentioning your dick piercing once.”

“That’s the key, Veggie.  Always leave them wanting more.”

\--

He’s a man of few words so it’s hard to really get a grasp on Apetail’s resident musical genius, Broly Legend, 23.

**N:** So, how many instruments can you play?

**B:** Couple dozen, I think.

**N:** Um.  What’s your favorite?

**B:** Steel pedal guitar.

**N:** Oh, any particular reason why?

**B:** No.

**N:** So, there are rumors that you’re dating Kale from U6, another band on your label.

**B:** I’m gay.

**N:** Oh.  Okay.  Um…

**B:** I’d really like this to be over.  Can I please go?

**N:** ...okay.

It seems that Broly would like to remain an enigma.

\--

They’ve finally done it.  Kakarrot’s amazed.  They’ve finally killed King Kai.

“You,” he says, jabbing a finger at Broly. “No more interviews.”

As he says it, it’s clear that it’s not a punishment as Broly looks instantly relieved.

“Okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> http://vertigoats.tumblr.com


End file.
